i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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