he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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