Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
