i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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