I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
