I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
