Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
