i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
