I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I am available for nakedness
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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