Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
