I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
