This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I'm really busy with my period
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