You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
