I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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