i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
