I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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