I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Randomize
