i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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