I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
