some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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