Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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