Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
