please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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