dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
