Swine flu. Run for my life!
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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