His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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