ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
