i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
