Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
