I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
soo... how was my night?
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