from now on my penis is your penis
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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