So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
