oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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