Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
