I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
