Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
