it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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