i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
