update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Randomize
