She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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