Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
