Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
