just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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