i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
