some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
