Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
