You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
