It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
