i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
