I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
