My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
